User blog:THEJJRAT/Shrek and rumpta 2
It kept crashing whenever I tried 2 make a new header fml 1 "Hey shrek, it just occurred to me that we are traveling in space in a quad copter." Said MARK-6. "That's how good I am sunny." Drugia was just coming into view, it was a blue color. The oceans were made of gamma hydroxybutyrate, the stone was crystal meth, the plants and grass were marijuana......and khat, coca, Ayahuasca and the most majestic opium poppies ever seen, they were a metre tall. There were magic mushrooms of many colors and toads of unusual large size. Shrek lipped his licks at the sight. Bob landed the copter near a huge forest of marijuana and khat. "There's a town close by, but a need a rest first so you kids have fun." Said Bob. Bob promptly yawned and passed out. Shrek then tore a giant chunk of plants and smoked it, becoming high as a Blackhawk. Everyone except Mark-6 and the methomorphs did the same. This wanton drug taking disappointed MARK-6. Shrek preformed anal butt sex with Rum-p'ta while a methomorph General and Mark 6 engaged in tactical conversation. Some methomorphs happened to see shrek and were disturbed by his actions, they throw rocks and syringes at him. Shrek was hit by the rock, and roared like a whale. He then caught every meth rock in his mouth, still bouncing on Rum. A syringe stabbed his left cheek. He turned into Bill Cosby with green skin. "Ahh! What have yer done to me?!" Shouted shrek. He tried reversing the effect, but failed. "Zip zop zibbity bop" he screams. For now on, he will become Cosby every full moon. Rum-p'ta took the syringe for further analysis. Rum-p'ta took the syringe for further analysis. "What's going on?" Said MARK-6, annoyed. Suddenly, MARK-6 was smacked in the ass. 2 "Who are you?" He asked. The silence ran away, but MARK-6 followed it. They both followed the creature, but it fled into an old Nazi bunker. MARK-6 tried to open it. "Allow me." Said the doctor, who suddenly appeared. He used his sonic screwdriver to open the door. "I've been after him for awhile." He remarks. The door opens, and Hitler, Stalin, and Fegelein are playing poker inside. "Oh, Doctor, please, come in!" Hitler said, remembering when the Doctor saved him. "Oh, hello! Have you seen..." Doctor suddenly remembered that this was the silence, they wouldn't remember. Reply "The old ship captain that talks about faceless people? In the basement." Fegelein says. The Doctor, confused, goes to the basement with MARK-6 and rum-p'ta. There was an old man eating fishsticks and jacking off to Justin Bieber magazines there. He seem relieved when he saw the Doctor. "Hello doctor." He said as he hid his mags. "Hello! Have you seen.." "The cunts in there." He said, pointing to a wardrobe. The Doctor, hesitating, went to open the door, Mark and Rum following. Inside was darkness, but the Doctor felt something wet slither up his leg. "whAt the bludrh hel" he screamed and fell. MARK-6 turned on his flashlight built into his single eye. The room had grey walls, and the ground was covered in black slimy tentacles. There were multiple completely white skinned and faceless suited men around the room, with the Silent hiding behind one. "Get fucked,this is our room." They said in unison. Rum-p'ta was startled. "I've never seen this species before..." The Doctor said under his breathe, grinning. Most of the creatures had tentacles on their backs, except two. One had tentacles on his nuts, and one had none at all. "They be slendermen." Explained the captain. "Shut up, greaser. You promised not to tell." Said a slenderman. "Then you shouldn't have taken my bieber mags and burned them." He replied. "That's not even the name of our species, fuckface." A creature wearing a thong on his face said. Reply "Do you have something to do with the flood?" Asked MARK-6, brandishing his plasma cutter. Captain greaser flipped off the creatures. Captain Greaser took a bite of fried fish stick and went over to the corner and mumbled to himself. "The who?" The same creature asked. "Enylaska suckska, Offenderman." The creature in the middle, who seemed like the leader, said in an unknown language. Offenderman stood down. The creature turned to MARK-6, and slowly grew a mouth from his white skin. It was a black hole, filled with gushing black slime and black teeth. "We know nothing of the Flood. We came here to save ourselves." "OK then." Said MARK-6, lowering the plasma cutter. "What are you doing with the silence?" Asked the doctor, pointing him out. Captain greaser finished his food. "Dammit! Now I'm gonna haveta ordah some damn fish sticks..." he said and stomped on the ground. "Because we adopted him. The Silents are endangered, and they are useful to my agenda." "You do know that the silence are criminals, what agenda would you use them for that I should not stop you doing?" Said the doctor. Reply "You should know by now Doctor, every species deserves a chance." The creature grabbed the Doctor by the throat with his tentacles and highered him in the air, "And if you know any better you will help us and the Silent to get back to Earth." "Why?" Choked out the doctor. MARK-6 and rum-p'ta readied for battle. All of their weapons malfunctioned, and they were jumped by Deadhead and Kate, two of his proxies, and restrained. "Because you don't want a species as old as human kind to go extinct." The doctor nodded, and the slenderman put him down. The doctor lead them to his box as captain greaser flipped them off one last time "I'll miss them assholes a little." He muttered as they closed the door behind them. Hitler, Shrek, and Rumpta went with them. Mark stayed on Drugia to fight the Flood. As they left mark-6 waved goodbye just before killing a infected necromorph. Harry had finished slaughtering the flood and was eating crumpets with superman. And Batman was getting a blow job from Catwoman. "What are Slendermen?" Shrek asked. "Something you can't comprehend." Said the Operator, another Slenderman. Shrek felt intimidated, something that rarely happened. Suddenly, a wasp flew up Shrek's ass hole. "AAAHH!" he screamed, this scared the slendermen. "Whats wrong?" asked rumpta. "AAAHH!" he screamed, this scared the slendermen. "Whats wrong?" asked rumpta. Shrek ran around in circles, but soon became a pot of lasagna. "Why?!" Screamed rumpta in shock. The slenders gathered around the lasagna, seeming like they had seen this happen before. "It's a red curse wasp, a servant of evil dickery. Kill it!" Said offenderman. The slenders tried to catch it. The Operator stood still, as he had no tentacles. The rest spread their spaghetti back arms to try to catch the wasp. After 4 minutes they caught the wasp and put in a jar full of chloroform. They stared at the wasp for 7 minutes before lighting the chloroform and wasp with a match. The tall faceless men discussed with each other with telepathy before turning back to the lasagna. "We must heal this man from the curse." Said operator. The slendermen formed a circle,their tentacles wriggled. They chanted and soon the lasagna turned back into shrek. Shrek was still screaming in whale language. He was covered in semen. "Was that you, offenderman?" Asked the operator. Offenderman blushed while the others went Tut Tut Tut. The doctor had a disgusted look on his face, he muttered gallifreyan swears. Shrek was wearing a mask made of whale semen. He proceeded to give the Doctor a blow job. Rum-p'ta hid his face with his hands, he didn't want to see. The slenders stared on. Shrek blew his load. Suddenly, the TARDIS hit something. The Doctor looked outside the door, and apparently a giant cough drop was attacking them. He pointed his sonic screwdriver at it, but nothing much happened. "Slenderman, what the fuck is this?" He asks. "He isn't here. But that's a Vortex Caughian." Trenderman said. "What the fuck is a caughian?" Asked shrek, pretending to not eat an onion. "A species of cough drops u penis" "Whaddya say laddeh?" Shrek turned around to the origin of the insult, offenderman. Shrek punched him in the face then though him into the TARDIS roof, shrek still felt grateful for what the slendermen did, so he went easy on offenderman. The slendermen looked on, they did not intervene because this was inevitable. The doctor and rum-p'ta contemplated the cough drop. Offenderman ripped Shrek's thicc penis off and scalloped it "No! No violence in my TARDIS!" Yelled the doctor. Offenderman stopped immediately. "If you want me to help you, you must play nice. Fix shrek up!" Said the doctor, Hitler was by his side to back him up. The slendermen made a circle, chanted, and shreks rod was good as new. Suddenly, Tito Dick appeared. The slendermen seemed to be wary of Tito. "Tito! Long time no see laddeh!" Said shrek. "How did you get on my ship?" Asked the doctor. "Used my Tito Dickman powers, virgin." He said and thrusted into the air. Hitler seemed awed by Tito. Tito & shrek gave each other a high 5. Suddenly, Hitler twerked and pooped out a kyber crystal. Hitler held the miracle with both hands. Tito went to study it. "It has yo eyes nigga" "Are we on earth yet?" Asked the silence. The doctor started looking at the TARDIS computer screen. "No, we've just been fucking around." They had landed on a planet named Yomamaland. The doctor was confused, he'd never been here before. Rum-p'ta cautiously walked out the TARDIS. They didn't take long to notice that it was populated by fat mothers, technobeasts, xenomorphs, and the Yuuzhan Yong. Offenderman thought it would be funny to flip off a passing yuuzhan Yong, thus was a mistake. As Offenderman was chased by the other worldly creatures, the Doctor found a lone Ood with a pet Silentium. "Hello there." Said the doctor. The ood said hi in response, but was scared off by shrek. Suddenly, the Doctor checked the date on his sonic screwdriver. It was twenty years after the Vong invaded the Star Wars galaxy. They were extinct. He tried to get to the bottom of this and headed out to find the king of the planet. "Shrek, can you teleport me to the king of this planet?" Asked the doctor. "If I knew were he is." Said shrek. "I can tell you." Said the ood. "But only if you fetch me the finest chopped doritos in the galaxy." "Rum-p'ta!" Shouted shrek. "Yes?" "Do you trumpians have Doritos?" "Of course." "Do you have any on you?" "Yes." "Can you give me some?" Rum-p'ta gave shrek the Doritos, but they weren't chopped. Shrek smAcked them with his ass, they were now chopped Reply The good consumed the Doritos, he was grateful because they were good. "He is in the bathroom of the local Pizza Hut." "Where's that exactly?" Asked the doctor. He shrugged and disappeared. The doctor got annoyed as fuck, out of anger he caused a passing ant to explode by pointing his screwdriver at it. "Don't get mad, we'll find him." Said operator. Rum-p'ta and Hitler decided to find other people to ask for directions. Suddenly, a xenomorph said "shrek is dreck." "Hell to the no, to the no no no. Yeah, no no, to the no no, to the no no, yeahhh, heeelllll to the no no." Shrek sang. The xenomorph called shrek dreck again and started running away. This only tempted shrek. Trenderman send his proxies (Deathhead, Kate, and Firebrand) to find directions. Shrek stayed calm. He was trying to stay non violent for at least a month. Reply Shrek ran after the xenomorph drecker. Shrek was still calm as he ran. When he finally got to the xenomorph he had a calm discussion about his feelings and tried to reconcile with the drecker xenomorph. The xenomorph just called him a fatherfucker. Shrek sighed He slapped the alien and said "No, bad alien!" The xenomorph stabbed shrek in the pancreas with its tail. Meanwhile Kate got a lead on the Kings location. "He's North, near a mountain of lead scraps." They were speaking with telepathy, so everyone heard this. Shrek left the xenomorph alone and flew to the area. They all got in the TARDIS and chaotically flew North, the TARDIS was not aerodynamic. Suddenly, Papa Acachalla appeared in the TARDIS. Shrek was uncertain, as was rum-p'ta. "Hello there, another hitchhiker!" Said the doctor. "I'm PAPA ACACHALLA!" Offenderman's tentacles twitched alot. "How exactly did you get on my ship? Do you have powers like Tito?" Asked the doctor. "No, I was just watchin' the game when Billy came up to me, and was sayin' stuff like 'Papa, you're turning invisible!' or somethin'." The bald man wielding a Winchester rifle said. "That means someone was fucking around with my TARDIS, my sexy thing." Muttered the doctor, gollum-like. Reply "Well, y'all got any fried chicken?" "Yes." Said the doctor. "Well can I have some? I need something to please my belleh." He asked. "No, all mine." Said the doctor, protecting the chicken. Trenderman slapped him "don't be a greedy cunt;" admonished trenderman. "Youre the one who wears crocs faggot" "Why I'd never" Trenderman attacked the doctor while Papa ate the chicken. Suddenly, the TARDIS crash landed into the bathroom and killed seven civilians. "Oh no, the fuzz." Said Tito. The police arrived the save the king. Shrek went after king to ask him things. Trenderman caught the king's leg with his tentacles as Tito was firing at the police with uzis. "I don't think this is appropriate behavior." Said rum-p'ta. Shrek and the doctor interrogated the king. "Why are the Yuuzhang Gong here?!" The Doctor yelled. "They're extinct!" "We're a safe house planet!" "A what?" "A reservation." Said the king. "A what?!" "You want your species to survive?! Call us." "The silence." Thought trenderman. "We have a endangered species." Said trenderman. "Well, how much are you willing to pay?" Reply Hitler presented the kyber crystal. "That'll do." The king said. A tear left Hitler's eye as it was taken away. He made a mental note to hire the Payday gang to steal it later. The silence left the TARDIS to explore it's new home. Strange tall creatures appeared, creating egg-like bubbles into the air made of the Silent's DNA. The slendermen watched, as did the others. Tito wanted to shout rape but decided not to. The bubbles turned into more silent ones. They soon turned into eggs. The mysterious creatures planted them into the ground. "Well now that's done. Let's go back." Said shrek. Suddenly, Shrek died. The Doctor pointed his screwdriver at shrek and it restarted his heart. Shrek puked up the remains of Rum-p'ta from the future Rum-p'ta had a mental breakdown. He started phasing in and out of existence, "Hejdbsjejb". "What have you done!?" Shouted rum-p'ta. "Oops" Shrek said and dispensed a chicken out of his Arse "Why the fuck would you eat me?" Asked rum-p'ta to shrek. "I can't remember..." "To the TARDIS!" Yelled the doctor. The TARDIS had been eaten by a Sarlaac pit. The slendermen tortured it until it gave back the TARDIS. The slendermen kept stabbing it with their tentacles. Everyone was awed that the slendermen could torture a creature as powerful as a sarlaac. Sarlaac weren't very sentient, so they didn't give a shite. Everyone turned to Tito with imploring eyes, maybe he could help. "I'll teleport!" He said. "I can do that as well. We'll both teleport in to the TARDIS and fly it out." Added shrek. Tito preformed his teleporting ritual. He kidnapped a child, sacrificed it to Aka Manah, twerked, and then disappeared. Shrek followed, and they were both in the TARDIS. "Whos driving?" Asked Shrek. "Yo mamma" Tito says and laughs his ass off. Eventually they figured out how to drive the TARDIS, and drove out the sarlaac. After that shrek threw bad onions in the sarlaac to punish it. Suddenly, a temmie appears. "hoi" Shrek braces for impact. Suddenly, Big Smoke crash landed into the TARDIS doors. "I'll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda." "We ain't a fucking restruant pal." Said shrek. "Ill have 2 numbah nines, one whit cheese" he repeated. Shrek wondered if he should punch him. Big Smoke smacked Shrek. Shrek, begging for mercy, started to find the TARDIS kitchen . There, he took a pan and threw it on the stove. He poured in some olive flour so that it would completely fill the pot and threw in some onions, raw chicken, butter, and vegetable oil. He threw in some geth circuits for extra flavour. He grabbed a bag of McDonald's burgers and friend fries and dropped them into the pot. He then dropped in some human flesh, cow poop, and ghoul flesh. He then grabbed a giant deathclaw egg, cracked it, and let the whites and yoke fall into the pot. He then carefully mixed it while throwing in some bottled human semen. He then dropped in some raw spaghetti noodles. This was his first dish to complete, he had to complete more though. Shrek gave that dish to Big Smoke, then began the second one. He got a pot made of lead and put in water and rice pasta, he then added crystal meth, thyme, khat, tomato's and trumpian onions. He put this all in a bowl made of bread and garnished it with sugar fried with honey. He put a Slender page on it for extra spookiness. Smoke had already set up a table and was wearing a bib and wielding two forks. Shrek slid it onto the table and went to cook the next batch. He took a pack of ramen and threw them in a pot of boiling water. He then threw in some rare herbs picked from Tau Volantis. He dropped in some molten gold and uranium and poured it in the pot, and threw in a cow penis for an added chewiness. He poured in a can of gold coins as well. He got a bowl made of tin and made marijuana bread dough, he put it in the oven. He sliced the bread and garnished it with ash from burnt Bibles. He also made a magic mushroom soup to go with it. He threw the two dishes onto Smoke's table and them ejaculated into a bowl for the next dish. He added to this ejaculate magnesium shavings and cinnamon. He then covered it with vodka and light it. He grabbed some Slender tentacles from a cooler. He put it on a chopping board and finely chopped it. He got out a frying pan and put some butter on it, and then threw in the chopped tentacles. The temmie had also prepared bowl of temflakes for Big Smoke. Big smoke ate all the food in 36 minutes. Category:Blog posts